Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Almost to the top of the mountain and I come falling down again...

...that is how the last 6 days have felt. I went on our women's retreat and felt like I had opened up and started dealing with some of the "gunk junk" that was building up inside of me. By the end of the weekend, I felt like God had done some great things in me and that hopefully things would start to be a little less draining...I guess I wasn't prepared for what was to come. I came home and was on a 'high' more or less just feeling like I was at peace and God had changed me in many ways...and he did. Then came the realization that I had to deal with all the situations I had spent time fighting with God about and trying to deal with. I feel as though I've lost God already....I'm feeling less at peace and many things have happened that have been different than when I left. 'Friends' aren't repsonding to attempts to communicate with them and they are people that have always been free and open in talking with me and wanting to know how life is going--suddenly, I feel as though they no longer care....about anything including whether I'm alive or not..... As I recounted the strangeness tonight to my mom and then to a friend, I realized just how much was different. I'm not really sure what this all means but if its what I think it is, God is planning something huge and I'm not sure its going to be easy in ANY WAY! Please pray for me as I enter into a very trying time...as if the past year hasn't been enough! I would love to crawl into a corner and not come out for a while...(I know its not good...its just the way I feel right now).

1 comment:

Katie said...

Ugh...I know that feeling of "having to deal with everything." I am praying for you, my sweet friend.