The New Teaching Journey Begins

Well, I officially signed my first teaching contract today! I'm going to be teaching 3rd grade and my students start Tuesday which is why this will be the shortest post I've ever written. I'll post pictures and more later! :)

Where are the 'dents' in your life?

(Let me start by saying that even admitting this happened in public is difficult because as many of you know, I pride--see below-- myself on being a good driver.)

A couple weeks ago, I was having lunch with a friend and was leaving the restaurant. Well, this parking lot has these measly 'posts' that I don't really think serve a particular purpose other than being in the way. Anyways, I was backing out trying not to hit the car that was next to me, since they parked too close, and as I turned my head to look back, I heard the most awful sound...ccrrruuunnnccchhhh. OH NO! I was looking back at this point and could not see a thing...that is because this fine little pole, had found itself hiding behind the one corner I could not see between where the side window ended and the back windshield began. Needless to say I have a nice indent on the rear bumper on the passenger side. I went a couple days later to get some estimates since it happened after all the places had closed on a Saturday afternoon. At any other point in my life thus far, I think I would have just melted in shame and balled my eyes out to the point that I was dehydrated but because of all the work God's been doing in my life, I chose to look at the positive side: no one was hurt, no other cars or people were involved, and it really won't matter once I finally am able to get it fixed.

Furthermore, I found myself really examining my pride. I realized that there are quite a few things that I take pride in...ones that don't affect others but rather my own self-confidence and self-concept. Actually, this extends to most things in my life. Those things that I do that are a reflection of myself such as driving, how I decorate and keep my room/office/spaces, my musical/photography/teaching skills, and just about everything else, are the things I put my 'pride' in because I lack self-confidence. This pride is also an extension of the high expectation (my half Type A personality appears here) I have for myself. I don't want to be thought of as a careless driver because I certainly am not, I don't want people to think that I'm not as musical as I portray, I don't want people to know that I'm scared, lonely, and would much rather become a hermit at times. All of these things go against what God wants for me. Satan is trying to attack through these because he knows how much I'm pleasing God with my life...or at least how I'm intentionally desiring and trying to please God with my life and choices.

DE-RAIL with me for a minute: As I write, this song is playing on the radio:

It's What Love Really Means by JJ Heller

I will love you for you

Not for what you have done

Or what you will become

I will love you for you

I will give you the love

the love that you never knew...

These lyrics hang in the air as I am trying to write this because I know that God will love me no matter what I do or who I am as long as I'm in relationship with Him and striving to be closer to Him each day.

BACK ON TRACK: Last weekend, I attended a retreat that was truly life-changing. The theme for the weekend was grace...something I often struggle with. I always thought I understood the concept of grace in my head but believing it in my heart was something I now realize I never did. Growing up, I always tried (and still do) to be a people pleaser so when I would make mistakes, I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and would always get REALLY down on  myself and certainly never extend grace to myself. I felt like I let my parents, or those that were affected, down and couldn't understand why they would still love me and show me grace. I NEVER knew and still struggle with accepting grace in my life...the same with LOVE and FORGIVENESS. Therefore, why would I believe that God could put aside my sin and truly love me when I've let Him down so badly with my sin? This weekend, I felt like I started to understand and accept all of this. One of the most profound things I realized is that I often let the sin in my life paralyze me from allowing God's love and grace penetrate my heart and the remnants of unforgiveness in my life stem from not being able to forgive myself first and extend grace to myself. If I can give these to myself, how can I extend them to others freely?

I think that I already extend grace and love and forgiveness to people at a level beyond my own capacity but truly as evidence of God's work in my life. For example, I have a friend that struggles with his own past sin and felt I couldn't possible love, extend grace to and forgive him despite his sin. But for me, I was able to put all of that aside and love him for who he was with all of his dents and I think it was the first time I've been able to do that without holding on to the little pieces of hurt in our relationship...I was able to truly LOVE him. I could identify with him because our self-concepts were similar, before this weekend of life-change that I was able to experience. He felt that his past sin would keep him from having the good things that God was giving to him and that he wasn't good enough for what God was blessing him with. Unfortunately, I think that we all allow our sin to keep us from experiencing the blessings that God has planned for us.

This song played on my way home from the retreat and I couldn't ask for a better prayer as I left this weekend:

I see each of these things as 'dents' in our lives. Things that keep us from becoming the 'vehicle' God created us to be. We beat ourselves up for each of these dents and until we do the work required...getting estimates and truly letting go and allowing God to "fix" our dents, we won't be able to be the person God created us to be. Where are the 'dents' in your life? Where do you need to give up control?

Make it new...AND...make the most of it!

                                                                                        

Borrowed from: timesync.gmu.edu

Over the past month or so as I've reflected on the notion of New Years' Resolutions and then read articles on how--by now--most of those have been broken, it really struck me and made me wonder why we only do this with a new YEAR. What about each new HOUR, DAY, WEEK or MONTH? Why do they not have the same power to affect change and desire to start new in our lives? I know that making each hour new may be more than we can handle right off the bat but why can't we start with a new MONTH and then eventually take it to a new HOUR? Or maybe its the opposite for you, maybe starting with the HOUR is best then slowly moving towards each MONTH? It all depends on where you are in life and how you feel...challenge yourself starting NOW! :)
In January, I was in a place where I just didn't feel the normal "newness" of the new year. I always love that feeling of a new, blank calendar and a new year to get things done but didn't feel that this year. It felt like 2010 was dragging itself and I into 2011. God was working in me and I knew that there was not going to be my normal, and much anticipated, "NEW YEAR feeling". That's when this whole idea of making each hour, day, week, month a NEW one. On January 12th, I felt like I was starting the something 'new'. God used a friend to bring me to my knees at the throne of God and strip away everything else until the only thing I had left was God! I knew that this was just the beginning of something new with God. It was a time for me to focus on God, delve deeper into my relationship with God, RELY SOLELY on God and seek HIS perfect plan for my life because I felt completely lost and empty. That's when I knew that God was asking me to do something for HIM, not for myself or this friend. Then on January 15th, God used ANOTHER friend to reinforce this. I was sharing how I was feeling inside with this friend and he spoke the hard truth with more love than most people can. It was all his opinion but I know that God was speaking through him that day and the couple conversations that followed as I figured out what all of this meant in my life.

For me January was a month where I've already have made a lot of mistakes and had to fall in repentance before God. And although I wish I had not made certain mistakes, there are things that are working in my life because I have God on my side and he is changing me 'from the inside out'--this song is sooo true. The other thing I always have to remind myself is that I AM A SINNER! God is not expecting me to be perfect. When I do sin and do make mistakes, He wants me to LEARN from them and that is certainly what I've done this month. It's been a culmination of many months where I've "tried" to learn from my mistakes...I guess God knew I needed a little more help TRULY learning these things. He used 2 ordinary (very special to me) people to help change my life and point me towards Himself.

That's why I really liked the idea of taking one word and focusing on what that word means and how God uses it in your life. Pray and think about what that word might be. For me the word is "wait"...waiting on God, learning to wait patiently in all things, learning to wait on others... There are so many things I'm waiting for and I know that in His perfect timing, I will get the desires of my heart and if I don't, God has a greater plan that I could ever have for myself. I'm excited to see what God does in 2011...I have a feeling it's going to be one of the most life-changing years EVER! :)

In my opinion, one of the most poignant Psalms is 118:24..."This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Let's rejoice in this NEW HOUR, DAY, WEEK or MONTH! Make it new! Share it with others so they can encourage you in your journey!

Mixed Emotions

As I sit here tonight, I look back at my week and all the emotions that have flooded my mind throughout just the last 5 days. I've experienced joy, pain, sadness, sorrow, disappointment, anger, delight, embarrassment, courage, feelings of being overwhelmed, fear, excitement, gratefulness, peace, compassion, frustration, irritability, euphoria and many more I can't even think of right now. There have been moments of each of these, one sometimes followed immediately by another, some lasting for much longer. Sometimes I wonder why God allows me to feel all of these things so close together. I know that He has a greater purpose than what I can see from down here and I'm so grateful!!!

101 Things in 1001 Days

This is going to be edited so check back soon for any updates!


The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Learn More: Here

Start Date: Monday, December 22, 2008
End Date: Monday, September 19, 2011

Watch My Progress
Tasks that are in progress
Tasks that are completed
Tasks that have not been started

Because I Love My Family
1. Spend 5 days with Aleia (1/5)
2. Spend 5 days with Austin (3/5)
3. Spend 5 days with Pierson (1/5)
4. Write a letter to my family about what to should He take me home sooner than I expect
5. Make portraits of all of them and create a gallery for our house.

Because I Love Christ
7. Go on a short term missions trip (I went with Students to Minneapolis!)
8. Write my sponsor child 5 times (0/5)
9. Read all the Psalms
10.Write my own Psalm for the Lord

Fun Things I Want to Do
11. Go to 5 Bears games: 12/22/08 (Coldest in Bears history) (1/5)
12. Sell a piece of my photography
13. Have 10 parties at my house-baking night, movie night, game night, etc... (1/10)
14. Take a 3 dance classes (0/3)

I Want to Make a Difference
15. Serve with organizations like FMSC 10 times (1/10)
16. RAKs (Random Acts of Kindness) (1/100)

Because I should...
17. Learn to drive a stick
18. Find a new dentist
19. Find new health insurance
20. Update my resume

Because I WANT to....
21. Learn the sign language alphabet
22. Learn conversational Spanish
23. Write 3 songs and record them (0/3)
24. Finish at 1 scrapbook
25. Finish my pillows that are half done.
26. Organize the rest of my recipe collection in my self-made recipe book
27. Write a children's book
28. Paint my office
29. Make another scrapbook: "Adventures in Teaching"
30. Spend 25 hours practicing guitar
31. Spend 25 hours practicing piano

Because I want to Change
32. Read 3 leadership books (o/3)
33. Read 10 books (0/10)
34. Listen to John Maxwell's The 360* Leader on CD

Because I Need to...
35. Pay off my students loans
36. Finish my quote/vision board
37. Get one box of give away stuff and take it to Repeat Botique

To Make My Body Feel Better
38. Register and run a 5K or 10K with the Schuberts/Antho (Blackberry Farm 5K Spring Gallop)
39. Use my step at least 200 times (4/200)
40. Take a cardio kickboxing class at COD
41. Walk 100 times during the summer (0/100)
42. Go for 10 bikes rides (2/10)
43. Go rollerblading 10 times (0/10)

Other/The Rest of my 101 things--LOL! :)

44. Get a dresser for all my non-housed clothing
45. Throw a surprise party
46. Set up my keyboard and rearrange my office
47. Re-organize my office closet
48. Re-organize my shelves
49.

I'm having trouble thinking of more...let me know if you have any ideas....LOL!!!!!!!!!! :)