Living and Loving Intentionally

As you listen to the thoughts in your head, are you listening to fear or listening for God's still, small voice? Oftentimes we find ourselves thinking we are hearing God but oftentimes Satan disguises his voice in our fears. We believe the fear comes from within and we use any number of justifications to say it's all a fear because of _____________ (you fill in the blank). Our lives are often so busy we forget to listen for God's voice and assume we can hear it among the busyness and loud nature of our everyday lives. Unfortunately we forget about listening even when the person is right in front of us much less hearing God's voice and we can't even see Him. It requires intentionality. Relationships require intentionality. LOVE requires intentionality. We hear that quality over quantity is the best thing. Why then do we sell ourselves, our friends, our lives short when we don't take the time to dig deep and share ourselves with others and really grasp when others' share the depths of their hearts too? There are many reasons. First, we don't listen because we are far too distracted by the multitude of media and things going on around us. Just last night, while spending time with some of my favorite people, I found myself distracted and texting another good friend that was hundreds of miles away. Too worried about the emotions I was feeling adn talking them through with this friend...I almost missed some opportunities to talk to people I love and one of them, I don't get to talk to often.

Over the years, it always struck me how people would form and keep long-lasting relationships. I felt like even though I tried to keep in contact with people, they wouldn't return the gesture. In the last couple of years, I've found myself lonely and struggling at times because I felt like even the people I loved and the friends around me were so far away. Trying to figure out why these relationships were working and I wasn't developing new ones was beyond my thoughts. I wanted to have those deep last relationships that would traverse thick and thin. Even relationships with family members. Why did I always feel a strain when I know the other person didn't feel it? I felt it because I knew I wasn't upholding my end of the bargain. I was letting them do all the work. I was wrapped up in my own little world and rarely came out to see that there were others around me. In the last year, I had a friend who, even though he moved TOO far away, would call, text, email, FB chat me and always thought of me. Why would he do that? Why would he even care? I'd only known him 8 months before he left. His wife was the one I knew growing up. It's because he cared, it's because we were friends, it's because he realized the importance of loving his friends and being intentional and how it would keep our friendship alive. So, I started thinking, what would my relationships be like if I started doing that. In our media filled world, what if I took the time to call a friend on my way home from work? What if I called my sister, just to talk? What if I actually remembered to call my dad so he wouldn't worry that I'd dropped off the face of the planet? (You know how dads are...) What if I reached out to a new friend at church because I saw they were lonely? What if I invited someone to hang out with my friends and I? So that's what I did. I've found myself, despite fear of inquiring minds thinking things aren't as they are or fear of rejection. This was after much prayer and time spent with the Lord dealing with relationship issues. I'm excited to see where God takes me now. I know that He's preparing me for great things even in the darkest of moments. Are you living intentionally...loving intentionally lives?

The other thing I've always struggled with is my consistency in my daily devotions. Well, you guessed it, intentionality is required. Throughout this process, it's caused me to learn self-discipline and self-control. I think I've always had it but it's pushing me farther, it's causing me to want to be in the Word. God keeps allowing my circumstances to be such that I have no other choice but to draw near to Him. The reason I learned to love and life intentionally is because God intentionally loved my friend and he, in turn, loved the people in his life intentionally and I was fortunate to be one of those people. God taught me what it meant to live and love intentionally through one of His own children. I'm grateful everyday for this friend and the way he's walked life with me and even when I seemed like a knuckle-head, he stuck in it...he loved intentionally.

HUG a friend, L-O-V-E a friend

Did you know that humans need at least 10 human touches a day? Do you ever feel like you could just use a hug? Do you have that one person that gives the best hugs ever? Or two, maybe three?

Over the past week or so, I've been craving a hug. It's not that I've not had any because I've certainly had my fair share of hugs that have melted my heart. It's just that sometimes we have a friend (and if you have more than one..lucky you!) that give us hugs that melt away anything going on and we just want to rest in that person's arms. I have a friend that I get to see very rarely but gives some of the best hugs I've ever had in my life--my nieces are trying to give this person a run for their money I must say. I've been craving that hug for some time now and can't wait until I get the next one!

I have had some great hugs from students this weekend and those are always very special. My nieces BOTH squeezed the heck outta my neck this weekend and it just sent a chill down my back because they give all their love! What would the world look like if everyone loved with everything they have?

Go hug a friend....you never know, it may mean the world to them but seem to insignificant to you!

Discovering I'm a "Turtle"...Are you a "turtle" too?

The turtle/tortoise is known for its hard shell that allows the turtle to retreat upon the threat of any type of danger. These creatures are slow and steady but always "win the race". The one in the photo is somewhat special to me. This was 'aquired' through a pool struggle in La Paz, Mexico with my students last summer (2010). Needless to say, I was going to use it to play a prank on the guys with my girls as they did to us with it but it just never happened...but I'm HAPPY about that because it brings back many awesome memories.

Yesterday, I guess I glanced at the turtle or just thought about it for some reason and I thought about how it can be a similie for people (or at least myself) sometimes. We have a hard shell. We're tough and independent. We're small. We're aware of threats and dangers around us. We EASILY retreat when there is danger or threats to who we are. We don't open up easily. We are often afraid of opening up to those around us because we don't know if we will be good enough. We don't know if they'll accept us. We don't know if we're willing to open our hearts to get hurt by letting others inside of us. However, its when we do open ourselves up to others that we become more confident, we are less afraid of what others will think. I think it's important to remember that our confidence should be in Christ and His work in our lives. He's the one that made our hearts to be shared and made our lives to be shared with one another! He's redeemed us, we're not perfect, we never will be and as much as we try to put on a 'shell' for others to see as our true beauty, there's so much more underneath it and that's where the true beauty lies in each of us. There is a song called Behind The Scenes by Francesca Battistelli that talks about this. The chorus says:

Things aren't always as they seem

You're only seeing part of me

There's more than you could ever know

Behind the scenes

I'm incomplete and I'm undone

But I suppose like everyone

There's so much more that's going on

Behind the scenes 

I think that is true at some level for each of us. We all have things that people can't imagine would be true about us. Just recently, I had someone I am developing a friendship with say they never would imagine that I, of all people, would struggle with depression. She struggles with depression and as I was sharing about what God was doing in my life, I shared that I struggled with it. She said she never would've imagined me saying that. It proved to me right there that we all have things that people don't know about us. Even those people that know us to the depths of our core, or at least we think they do, often don't know some things. I think that it takes a while for us to want to 'come out of our shell' and share our hearts and lives with people. Have you ever had those people that you meet and you feel like you've known forever and you could spend hours upon hours upon hours talking to? Do you feel like these are the people that God uses to help you 'come out of your shell'? I DO! I have been fortunate to have a few of those people in my life. One of those people I met about 2.5 years ago. We met through mutual friends and have been great friends ever since. I remember we started emailing back and forth almost daily (he lived in MN at the time) about our lives and what was happening then or some of the things we'd been through in our lives. Then we would talk on the phone often and we talked with tremendous ease and just enjoyed getting to know each other. The more I learned to trust him, the more I shared. He never judged, he never thought I was a 'crazy person'...okay, well, maybe he did but he didn't make me feel ashamed about those things that made me 'crazy'. He taught me to open my heart again after the previous few years where I had been hurt VERY badly by those who said they were my friends or even those who said they loved me and had put up lots of walls. He taught me that even though there was a chance he would hurt me at some point in time, he cared about me and loved me as a friend despite what I considered to be my immaturity, etc... He gave me a glimpse of God's love...although its something I didn't realize until long after our friendship developed and strengthened. To this day, he continues to support me, encourage me, be my 'cheerleader', be my shoulder to lean on or cry on, my friend that is there NO MATTER what happens! This friend has taught me a lot about what it means to love and to be loved. He has allowed me to open up and share with the world who I am because he cared enough to love me and support me when I felt unlovable and invisible. He believed in me...and still does. Rarely was, or is there, a conversation where he doesn't remind me that I'm important and that I can do whatever I want. He's excited for me when I tell him about new endeavors or what I want to do some day. It doesn't matter to him that I have issues...if we're honest...we ALL do. It doesn't matter to him if I break down in tears over the smallest thing. It doesn't matter to him if I look like a bum. He is there regardless. I'm so grateful to have him in my life each day.

There is another person I have only known for about 1.5 years but he is such a driving force in pushing me towards God. He's always pointing our conversation back to God and how my relationship with God is impacted by whatever we are talking about. He pulls things out of me that very few people do. He pushes me. He CHALLENGES me. I've not had many friends like him. He really shares the truth with love when he sees things going on in my life that I may not recognize or understand because I'm not on the outside. He shares his struggles and excitement with me. His example has really helped me to learn what 'coming out of my shell' looks like. I would say that he has challenged me so much and that my recent growth is largely, if not mostly, due to his proding and encouragement. He cares no matter what.

The other two people I have that are 'those people' that cause me to 'come out of my shell' are my two accountability partners. Although we formed this group in the fall of 2010 out of a desire to have community and wanting to be challenged to grow in our faith and our quiet times with the Lord. These women have been there through some mountains and very deep valleys in the past 7 months or so. They have challenged me to grow as a person, they have been there when I'm feeling completely out of my mind, they have been there when I'm just sobbing my eyes out and they've also been there to encourage me as I've stepped out in faith to start the photography endeavor. These women have helped me learn what it means to be a friend, a sister, a wife and a mother...through their wonderful examples. The three of us are at different stages in life but we are connected through our common bond of Christ and the wonderful friendship we've developed because of God bringing us together.

I always need to remember that I'm beautiful and that no matter what any one else thinks...God created me to be beautiful in His sight and that will never change. Mercy Me has a wonderful song that reminds me of this very important characteristic of Christ. It's You're Beautiful.

Please remember that you are beautiful and that God made you to be who you are, He put you where you are and He's growing you each day...you just have to be open and willing to allow him to do the work in your heart. I love you!

For those sweet moments....

I am just truly amazed at how God continually brings moments of happiness when I need it most.

Last week, I had a friend that I hadn't talked to in....a long time!!!!!!! We talked for almost half an hour. It was great to catch up and it was great to know that someone was thinking of me.

Then tonight, I was able to talk to a friend that I've had a rocky relationship with over the past 9 months or so. We were able to talk for about 45 minutes and I felt like we had never skipped a beat.

Just little moments of joy when I need it most.

Blessings!